Dear NG.

Today was a grey day, I was supposed to go on band rehearsal, but our drummer got ill and our guitarist was unavailable (which he almost ALWAYS is, he doesn't even answer his cellphone often because it's either out of batteries, on mute or it was somewhere not near him, fucking hell)

My mother came back from her week trip to Georgia though, where she sang with her singing group (they sang Georgian Native songs)

Also, she said I need to find work, so I guess I'll be on my way to do just that, maybe I'll do the early paper route, it's a short route, but it pay more than a regular one.

Been on NG almost all day, especially on the forums, people seem to have fun, it's Halloween in America, Sadface for me, because I live in Holland, no Halloween here, fucking bullshit.

I've bought Medal of Honor but my laptop is just too bad for it, I'll have to play it on my better computer, which is at my dads, where I can't come.
Damn.

Nothing special really happened, just going to continue to lurk on NG.

I'm a relatively nice person, I always judge people based on my own experience with them, never what people tell me about them, I generally have nice thoughts about people etcetera.

But it seems that my mind is just split, because where I think good things, and know what is right, and know that I WANT to do that, my other half performs something completely different.

I for example sometimes say very not nice things to my sister, and although I wanna hug her, say I'm sorry, I just CAN'T!

Another thing, a female friend of mine who I know for over 5 years is somewhat of a girlfriend to me, we both know we love each other, but it's my fault that we still aren't REALLY a couple, because every time things are looking up between us, I get a fuck up from my other half which makes me realize that having a girlfriend will mean she will need attention all the time, my other half knows that pretty nice because I'll be getting attention too. And still I say not nice things etc, which gets us nowhere fast.

I am very confused.

Every day. Adding anything that comes to my mind, and if nothing comes to my mind, just gonna blog about how my day was.

My name change.
I adore my new name.

- Formerly known as Falonefal

Every day I write a little love short for "her" in my MSN personal message, I'll share them here too.

In the fiercest storms of winter, missed by arrows, hit by pain, I will never hide my heart, for it's yours to take away.

Your will is my command, for I know what you will, you will that I will love you, and yes, of course I will

Oh my sweetie, you're so pretty, I choose you and only you, I am yours and you are mine, laugh my sweetness, never cry.

You need me? Just call, and I'll come to you, cause I love you dearly, I honestly do.

Still burns the flame, for you my dear, you are the spark, I need you here.

You don't need to worry, for I am still the same, I never changed a bit inside, I still do play our game.

I live
You live
He/she/it lives
We live
You live
They live

English is awesome.

Just had a horrible dream.
It started out well, with fine, nice things, but the last thing that I saw before waking up in fear was my father, he had no nose or mouth, and his eyes were seriously injured, but like post-surgery, as if he had an accident, he missed one arm, and the other was shorter and was shaking a little bit, he couldn't say a word, but he looked as if he lost everything.

That was really horrible...

Sometimes I find myself voting 5 on all the 30 new audio submissions just because I see like 90% of them zero bombed, of which 70% actually pass for a 3, 25% pass off for a 4 and like 5% pass of for a 5, I'm not even kidding.
You people seriously need to fuck off.

Random Shiznizzle

Inferiority complex.

It really sucks people.
It sucks to suck so much.
To see other people being greater than you.
Knowing it's a lie.

But not knowing it for sure.

I don't know how to handle it
I think I'll stay inside
I won't take on the rain
No I won't even try

Because I'll fail no matter what
The rain will end at last
Just as obvious as that

:(