I'm a relatively nice person, I always judge people based on my own experience with them, never what people tell me about them, I generally have nice thoughts about people etcetera.

But it seems that my mind is just split, because where I think good things, and know what is right, and know that I WANT to do that, my other half performs something completely different.

I for example sometimes say very not nice things to my sister, and although I wanna hug her, say I'm sorry, I just CAN'T!

Another thing, a female friend of mine who I know for over 5 years is somewhat of a girlfriend to me, we both know we love each other, but it's my fault that we still aren't REALLY a couple, because every time things are looking up between us, I get a fuck up from my other half which makes me realize that having a girlfriend will mean she will need attention all the time, my other half knows that pretty nice because I'll be getting attention too. And still I say not nice things etc, which gets us nowhere fast.

I am very confused.